I was having a meeting yetserday, and someone said something to the effect that unlike me, they did not have the luxury of being a full-time energy practitioner.
Luxury...it was such an interesting choice of words. It rang in my head.
I do love what I do, but I have given up just about everything for my path. Luxury is not a word that comes to mind for me at this time. Luxury implies indulgence (in fact, that is the definition):
1archaic : lechery, lust2: a condition of abundance or great ease and comfort : sumptuous environment <lived in luxury>3 a: something adding to pleasure or comfort but not absolutely necessary <one of life's luxuries> b: an indulgence in something that provides pleasure, satisfaction, or ease <had the luxury of rejecting a handful of job offers — Terri Minsky> — luxury adjective
Ease, comfort, and indulgence are definitely not words I'd apply to the path I have taken to become what I am or how I am able to serve.
I've gone from married to single, middle class house to urban apartment, full-time volunteer to working to keep food on the table (I still volunteer a lot too), full-time mom to joint custody, fairly comfortable life to not knowing from one day to the next if I can make ends meet. I've been flayed open publicly, had my ego on display, been thrown under the proverbial bus more times than I can count, and experienced more heartbreak than I could have imagined. My best friend is gone, and the people closest to me have turned away, rejected me, and said unkind things to and about me. I have never felt a greater loss or loneliness for human community.
I think the most interesting thing is that the person who said this about the luxury I have has all the things money can buy, and they see me as the one with the opulent life.
I have Love.
I have angels whispering in my ears.
I have a teacher who has the uncanny ability to know right when I need him most.
I have one friend who would do anything to fix an upset between us, and whose confidence I trust.
I have this amazing gift of healing energy to share.
I have had the experience of a difficult past, and knowing transcendence is possible.
I have rose colored glasses that keep me coming back no matter how many times I feel broken and shattered inside.
I have a connection to God/Something Greater.
I have hope and faith.
The first and last of that list alone, perhaps, qualify me for the category of luxurious.
All the things that have left me were not mine to begin with, and what I am left with is more and more purely Truth and divinity.
If I had to choose (and I already have), I'd take the seeming instability of the precarious balance that is my current life over all the creature comforts money can buy. Maybe someday I will have both. I don't know what's in store.
For now, what is within my reach to love will suffice. I am having a love affair with my soul. I am doing the work my soul longs to do. I am following my path as fearlessly as possible. I am trusting God, my Higher Self, and the Universe to open the doors that need opening, and close the doors that need closing. I am not in charge. I am not in control.
Perhaps that is the kind of freedom and spiritual abundance that makes my simple life look luxurious.
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my teacher
July 2009 
Spiritual Liberation
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