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my teacher
July 2009 
apples and oranges
Posted on May 27th, 2009
by 
Spiritual Liberation
Spiritual Liberation
I've had quite a time recently with trying to figure out my place. Relationships are shifting and changing all over the place. I am in search of truth (and don't always enjoy finding what is not truth, though I'd rather know than not). I've also been asking myself what is community? What role does community serve for me? And what role do I serve in community?
I had an experience recently where someone was telling me all the reasons they didn't think I was a good person, and right in the middle of this, I suddenly no longer felt lonely.
What an odd response, I thought to myself. Why is that?
I realized that I was asking for oranges to pop out of apple trees, or for sharks to declare fish as friends, not food. I had hope and expectation of community relationships that don't have the potential at this time to fill that role for me. What I was desiring was not right for me, and once I accepted that for what it was, the feeling of lack left me instantly.
Even so, I find myself in the uncomfortable place of not knowing, of not having reference points for where I am or what will come next. But in letting go, I opened myself to other options, to new friendships in unexpected places.
Access: Public
Hi, Shani - this resonates with me … a lot. This past week I stood up to the pastor of the church I've been part of since 2001 … and when I attended service on Sunday, in the midst of some awkwardness - I felt more at home than I have in a long time. At home in knowing that I don't really fit there - a weird oxymoron that works for me. It is freeing me to find wherever I might fit better as things open up. And support has been flowing - from Gaians in chat on Facebook - receiving a call from someone with whom I hadn't connected for perhaps 6 months - and receiving a friendship invitation from a fellow activist who turns out to be surprisingly local - rare in my part of the world.
special blessings -
Sylvia
Congrats, Shani! When we enter the “unknown” we try to hold on to what we believe is familiar fruit, and then we realize that in our transformation, familiar is not always what is needed – it's the ability to let go, let God and with great faith, dive into the “unknown” of what's next.
Hugs,
Lady Clarity aka Wendy Sue
Yes, what role does community serve? What is your role? I would love to read your response to these questions that you are pondering.
Namaste sister
Kati