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my teacher
July 2009 
apples and oranges
Posted on May 27th, 2009
by 
Spiritual Liberation
Spiritual Liberation
I've had quite a time recently with trying to figure out my place. Relationships are shifting and changing all over the place. I am in search of truth (and don't always enjoy finding what is not truth, though I'd rather know than not). I've also been asking myself what is community? What role does community serve for me? And what role do I serve in community?
I had an experience recently where someone was telling me all the reasons they didn't think I was a good person, and right in the middle of this, I suddenly no longer felt lonely.
What an odd response, I thought to myself. Why is that?
I realized that I was asking for oranges to pop out of apple trees, or for sharks to declare fish as friends, not food. I had hope and expectation of community relationships that don't have the potential at this time to fill that role for me. What I was desiring was not right for me, and once I accepted that for what it was, the feeling of lack left me instantly.
Even so, I find myself in the uncomfortable place of not knowing, of not having reference points for where I am or what will come next. But in letting go, I opened myself to other options, to new friendships in unexpected places.
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