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July 2009 
community cutlery
Posted on Apr 25th, 2009
by 
Spiritual Liberation
Spiritual Liberation
Community and leadership have been on my mind lately. Maybe I should say in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be a leader. Ever since I was a small child, I longed for a sense of communtity I've never had. The only time that loneliness is satiated is when I am with my teacher, and when I can spend time with my teacher and his teacher, oh! That is like an incocculation.
It's been a year, though, since I've been with them both, and that inocculation has worn off. For the first time in my life, when I was with them both, I felt like a link in a chain, part of something greater that myself. Part of something. Part of something that didn't hurt any more because they were there.
I don't fit in most groups for long. And don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade what I have for anything else if I had to make a choice.
I read a quote recently that said something like, "Leadership is lonely because you are out front all by yourself."
Does it have to be the nature of leaders to be both loved and hated? MLK? Gandhi? Jesus? Obama? Bush? Why does it seem to be the nature of the ego to try to drag someone down to make oneself look better? And why does it hurt, even when it doesn't work?
For me I think it's that little sparkle of hope I can (fortunately) never seem to extinguish that people will be virtuous and moral and kind and decent, that people will do the right thing because it's the right thing to do.
I get the idea that some think that I have power because I am a leader. I don't want or need power, not that I have it to begin with. My tools are love and compassion, but sometimes when love comes up against ego, it makes a sore spot.
I keep thinking that maybe someday betrayal will no longer sting, no longer hurt. But I guess if that were the case, then maybe I would have lost my humanity along the way, and that wouldn't be so good.
Access: Public
Interesting phrase, SL- makes me think of the tools we need for community; not quite the 'meal' itself. What would that be, for you?
I enjoyed reading your musing, just wanted to let you know. And if there is pain, I feel with you; because I have found that whenever even two people interact - even if it is me with myself - that is bound to happen. It's what we do after that, that counts.
And that's probably why you're a leader!