Are we almost there yet?

Had a dream this morning that my basement garage was open to the world, as well as the door into the house, and it was full of garbage and junk. In fact, the garbage and junk was spilling out all over the driveway and yard, and the dog was romping through it like a giant puppy (he was so cute, but I was still mortified).

Despite the fact that my garage is in fact a big mess (hubs hobby stuff, and general chaos, but we are cleaning it out to set up a home gym), I think it was symbolic for junk in my own mental/emotional egoic basement. I didn't care for the way it was all exposed and that other people had to look at it. I took that as kind of a warning to take care with my 'junk' and not get it all over everything and make a mess.

I woke up and meditated on the dream. I invoked the violet consuming flame to clean out that garage until it was shiny and golden, like a Mr. Clean commercial. Ding!

I felt kind of weird all morning about the dream though. I kind of had this giving up feeling, like I will never get it right. And that, of course, made me realize that somewhere along the way I reverted back to the concept that there is some point of arrival. *sigh*

So I give up. I surrender. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go. I will clean out this basement or this garage, and there will just be another and another, and I will clean those out as they come too, and I will never get anywhere, because there is nowhere to go, and I will always be right where I am.

I felt such a sense of peace in letting myself off the hook for perfection and arrival.

Then at meditation group this evening, when we meditated to a CD of Joey's, I felt like I was going to burst open or something. So much energy was running through me. I think it was from that surrender. I had no expectations.

My teacher told me a month ago to not do anything right now. He said I had knowledge and wisdom, but that knowledge and wisdom needed maturity to become a force of nature. He said if I act now, I may acheive great success, but will not likely move into that spiritually mature place. So back to waiting, waiting, waiting. Not teaching. Not writing. Not planning. Just waiting.

Not just waiting either.  Deeper layers of stuff and some things I'd been afraid to face have come up for me now. Things I have to deal with to reach maturity. I'm learning how to Be.

I hope maturity isn't overrated. It's taking a long time.

Are we almost there yet?