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July 2009 
am I unhappy?
Posted on Nov 11th, 2008
by 
Spiritual Liberation
Spiritual Liberation
A few of my IRL girlfriends read my blog, and one of them pointed out to me recently that there seems to be a lot of angst in my writing that she never saw in me otherwise, and another said something along the same lines a few weeks ago...
That got me to wondering if my writing or my topics seem overly sad or upset or whatever to those who read it. Do I come across as unhappy? Morose? A downer?
My life in the past few months has been like learning how to surf on a tidal wave during a typhoon, and it has definitely had it's challenging moments (*ahem* I mean, moments of great opportunity), but in my everyday life, I am in great spirits. I am in joy, in bliss, on cloud 9.
Things come up for me, like for example, the last couple of weeks before I saw my teacher this past week, I missed him like crazy. I felt such a longing for his company and companionship! It stemmed from not going to Vail (as it made our absence from one another twice as long). And on top of missing my teacher, I miss Sai Maa too. I know they are always with me, they are a part of me, but in my human experience, I desire to see them physically, to sit with them, to be with them, to lay my eyes upon them, to hear their voices vibrate in my very cells.
Am I miserable and dysfunctional because of it? Maybe for a moment. I feel it, I experience it, and I may even enjoy a little (or big) cry - and I do enjoy a good, messy cry every now and then! I may write them a letter or send a message - Oh how I miss you so! - and then I'm done. The longing may not leave me, but I don't get lost in it.
That is my way in this blog as well. I dive in after a thought, a feeling, I explore it, and I'm done. Sometimes I'm done even before I write. I'm making a record of my experience so I don't forget, or rather so I can remember again after I've forgotten.
Many things don't stay in my head. If I don't write them down it might be like they never existed.
Like 2006, when I started this blog- I was happier and more well adjusted than I'd ever been in my whole life! Now I look back at those writings and see something very different. I see how I've grown. I see how my understanding has changed and shifted. I see how much I've come to trust God, to trust myself, to trust the process of life on Earth. And in another 2 years I will look back to 2008 with the same awe in the awareness of my journey and where it has taken me.
For awhile I wrote about love and devotion, but I got a lot of emails that people were concerned that I was brainwashed. That cracks me up. Happy is not allowed! hahaha. So I write about my struggles, where I trip and fall on my narrow little path to God, the muddy messes I get myself in. We can all relate to those. And I am certainly no less human now than I was 2 years ago. Now, though, I can laugh at myself a lot sooner.
Life is funny. And I am enjoying it very much.
Hugs & Kisses!
That got me to wondering if my writing or my topics seem overly sad or upset or whatever to those who read it. Do I come across as unhappy? Morose? A downer?
My life in the past few months has been like learning how to surf on a tidal wave during a typhoon, and it has definitely had it's challenging moments (*ahem* I mean, moments of great opportunity), but in my everyday life, I am in great spirits. I am in joy, in bliss, on cloud 9.
Things come up for me, like for example, the last couple of weeks before I saw my teacher this past week, I missed him like crazy. I felt such a longing for his company and companionship! It stemmed from not going to Vail (as it made our absence from one another twice as long). And on top of missing my teacher, I miss Sai Maa too. I know they are always with me, they are a part of me, but in my human experience, I desire to see them physically, to sit with them, to be with them, to lay my eyes upon them, to hear their voices vibrate in my very cells.
Am I miserable and dysfunctional because of it? Maybe for a moment. I feel it, I experience it, and I may even enjoy a little (or big) cry - and I do enjoy a good, messy cry every now and then! I may write them a letter or send a message - Oh how I miss you so! - and then I'm done. The longing may not leave me, but I don't get lost in it.
That is my way in this blog as well. I dive in after a thought, a feeling, I explore it, and I'm done. Sometimes I'm done even before I write. I'm making a record of my experience so I don't forget, or rather so I can remember again after I've forgotten.
Many things don't stay in my head. If I don't write them down it might be like they never existed.
Like 2006, when I started this blog- I was happier and more well adjusted than I'd ever been in my whole life! Now I look back at those writings and see something very different. I see how I've grown. I see how my understanding has changed and shifted. I see how much I've come to trust God, to trust myself, to trust the process of life on Earth. And in another 2 years I will look back to 2008 with the same awe in the awareness of my journey and where it has taken me.
For awhile I wrote about love and devotion, but I got a lot of emails that people were concerned that I was brainwashed. That cracks me up. Happy is not allowed! hahaha. So I write about my struggles, where I trip and fall on my narrow little path to God, the muddy messes I get myself in. We can all relate to those. And I am certainly no less human now than I was 2 years ago. Now, though, I can laugh at myself a lot sooner.
Life is funny. And I am enjoying it very much.
Hugs & Kisses!
Access: Public
The difference between our friendship then and now Shani, for I have been your friend even longer than 2 years I am thinking… is that these days I do not come here to read and then feel the need to jump in and give you my “judgment” on your present path. I will definitely admit to having personal thoughts and feelings at times, but where you are is where you are and you are there because it is what you have created, what you need Now in growth and lessons, and you are the one who is experiencing the journey.
My own growth has brought me to just love my friends unconditionally. Even if I am on the sidelines biting my nails occasionally. ;)
Just know dear friend that if you ever do need me 'for real' to be there, I will Be. Just ask.
Love you dear,
Di