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expectation
June 2009 
Toxic Relationships
Spiritual Liberation
I have a friend that makes me feel judged whenever I talk to her.
It makes me sad.
I see that feeling judged brings up defensiveness and judgement in me. Not a whole lot, but some. Some is too much. More than anything it leaves me confused and feeling a little hurt. I don't like games.
I don't think I should feel the need to protect myself that much when talking with a friend. That is not balanced. That is not in alignment.
When I have tried to talk to people about how I feel in the past, I have always been told that I am too sensitive and I need to get over it and get a thicker skin. The thing is, I can take forwardness. I can take people telling me like it is and calling me on my shit. I just can't take passive aggressiveness and back-handed compliments, or things continuously said supposedly in jest that sting. It is always denied - 'Oh, I didn't mean that, you silly! You are just too sensitive!'
Is it any wonder that I am a bit of a loner? Besides my husband and my kids, I have only had one *really close* friend in all my life. We had different values about almost everything, but we didn't judge one another. We questioned each others motives relentlessly in a loving and compassionate way out of true curiosity and in an effort to dig deeper into our psyches. We called each other on our shit, on the stuff we didn't want to see for ourselves or admit to. But is was always done in love, and with respect for our differences.
Is it wrong to expect people to walk the walk the way they talk the talk? Am I too sensitive? Is it okay to the rest of the world for people to be passive aggressive rather than communicating like grown-ups? I don't get it, I really don't.
Dear Zaadzsters...Please call me on my shit - in a loving, compassionate way. Tell it like it is, the way real friends do. Disagree with me, but respect my values. Question my motives and make me think it through. Thank you.
I'll start - Calling myself on my own shit - I just said, "Is it wrong to expect people to...blah blah blah?" The answer is YES, it is WRONG to have EXPECTATIONS. Period. Furthermore, THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Oy. Where am I???
Access: Public
Hi Shani-
Well ,astrologically Cancerian women are very emotional-period. You can try to out run it-but there you are… I have a good friend-sister of the heart-who I have this awesome relationship with. She will call me upset about something and I will listen and then try to help her filter at least some of her sensitivity. She has asked me to be in this role in her life-and so I honor her request… She affectionally calls me Butt Head-and she is the only one who can get away with it-let me tell ya… Sometimes it is very challenging for me to call her on her shit-because i know on some level it hurts her-but then if I try and be anything less than myself with her-she calls me on my shit-and then there is this whole pile we have to clean up-sigh-what a mess!!!
You are who you are-there is no need for anyone to be hateful with you. We are humans and as such have expectations-it's great to be moving towards ideals-but it's also important to be totally honest with yourself as to what your needs and boundaries are in this moment in this life. I am glad to see this post-I haven't smelt shit-so I haven't called it to anyone's attention… and besides shit is a fertilizer-plain and simple. We don't grow without it-so anyone who wants to bitch about the odor-needs to move down wind-and keep their hands off the harvest-cause they aint' gettin any…
Keep sharing and shining-you are doing just great… and I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it…
Hugs
Kati
And I just wanted to add this…
“Oy. Where am I???”
Why my wonderful friend, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. :)
Hugs from me too!
Di
Thanks Kati and Di. {{{hugs}}}
Even though I can see where this friend is and that her condemnation of me is really about her own insecurities, I just can't seem to completely seperate myself from it in time to be unaffected. I don't know if it is the energy behind it that is hitting me so hard or what. Maybe it's the suprise of having someone I once trusted so much turn on me. I don't know. I will just continue to love her. That is all I can do at this point.
Kati, you are right, as a Cancerian I have always been particularly sensitive and emotional. I am not in the place anymore of taking everything personally or the worst possible way though, thank goodness! I have become much more balanced.
Di, you are right too. I am right where I need to be. Relationships have been an issue I need to learn how to deal with all my life. The Universe id providing plenty of opportunities for me to figure it out and get it right. :)