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attachment
June 2009 
Letting Go
Posted on Aug 17th, 2006
by 
Spiritual Liberation
Spiritual Liberation
My teacher wanted to talk with me more about what I started in the car on the way home from Denver. Did I already say this? Anyway, part of what we discussed was parenting. He says he still sees a little bit of attachment in my energy. He suggested that I work on releasing this attachment so I can fully love and support my children in their choices in life rather than having expectation or feel hurt by what they need to do in life- like moving out when they grow up. :) He knows me oh so well.
He said I need to put my relationship with my higher self, with God, first. I know this is true, but I never felt worthy of self-focus much before I started this work. I think I had a pretty big shift yesterday though. He had me look at people's souls, then my own and tell him what I saw. How can I continue to deny my own worth after that? That combined with the light and love he held for me to fill all those old spaces from childhood... Ah man, I feel like a different person. Not person, a being of light. I have a clarity I've never felt before. And so much peace.
He mentioned my karma and my dharma and how my path is unfolding. For some reason I kind of changed the subject. Not really changed the subject so much as I didn't wait to see where he was going with that before I spoke. Why??? Now I really want to know what he would have said about my path. (Yes, this is a fine example of attachment!)
I replayed our conversation this evening while I went for a walk. It was a great way to pass the time. I had already started taking walks again, but my teacher also suggested I walk so I can hold more light. Movement anchors the light in the body and clears meridians.
Other than still processing my most recent session with him, I am just busy cleaning my house because he is coming over next week when he is in town for an intensive. I am really excited and a little scared shitless. I am nervous that my house won't be as clean as I want. Can it ever be as clean as I want???
I made a commitment to have it really clean by next week. I am at that stage where I just don't know what to do with stuff. I have gotten rid of much and the things that are left still have no good place to be stored. Maybe I need to just let go and get rid of the stuff that has no good place to be. That is the only way my house will be maintainable, right? To not have too much stuff?
Why is letting go a challenge? I mean, I KNOW that all of this is maya, illusion. I know the only thing that is real is love. I can't take any of this with me when I give up the body, so why am I so attached to it now? What comfort do I get out of being surrounded by stuff?
I choose to release my attachments. I choose to live my highest purpose. Now I must go forth and purge. :)
I was very sleepy today. I think my session started a detox in my body. This is good.
He said I need to put my relationship with my higher self, with God, first. I know this is true, but I never felt worthy of self-focus much before I started this work. I think I had a pretty big shift yesterday though. He had me look at people's souls, then my own and tell him what I saw. How can I continue to deny my own worth after that? That combined with the light and love he held for me to fill all those old spaces from childhood... Ah man, I feel like a different person. Not person, a being of light. I have a clarity I've never felt before. And so much peace.
He mentioned my karma and my dharma and how my path is unfolding. For some reason I kind of changed the subject. Not really changed the subject so much as I didn't wait to see where he was going with that before I spoke. Why??? Now I really want to know what he would have said about my path. (Yes, this is a fine example of attachment!)
I replayed our conversation this evening while I went for a walk. It was a great way to pass the time. I had already started taking walks again, but my teacher also suggested I walk so I can hold more light. Movement anchors the light in the body and clears meridians.
Other than still processing my most recent session with him, I am just busy cleaning my house because he is coming over next week when he is in town for an intensive. I am really excited and a little scared shitless. I am nervous that my house won't be as clean as I want. Can it ever be as clean as I want???
I made a commitment to have it really clean by next week. I am at that stage where I just don't know what to do with stuff. I have gotten rid of much and the things that are left still have no good place to be stored. Maybe I need to just let go and get rid of the stuff that has no good place to be. That is the only way my house will be maintainable, right? To not have too much stuff?
Why is letting go a challenge? I mean, I KNOW that all of this is maya, illusion. I know the only thing that is real is love. I can't take any of this with me when I give up the body, so why am I so attached to it now? What comfort do I get out of being surrounded by stuff?
I choose to release my attachments. I choose to live my highest purpose. Now I must go forth and purge. :)
I was very sleepy today. I think my session started a detox in my body. This is good.
Access: Public
I hear you -stuff- I have 2 storage units at the moment to store stuff-much of the stuff is Sonja's(older daughter). Then there are the Christmas decorations and the appliances, and the books-gosh it's a good thing I have actually given some away… every time I think of the money we are spending on these units I ask myself-WHY? WHY am I so attached… why am I so afraid that someday unborn Grandchildren will want to play with their mother's dolls or have me read books that I read to their Mom… how do I even know that Sonja will have children…
But that's who I am-on some level-a historian-sentimental and fierce when it comes to holding the history of our wanderings…
A friend also helped me to understand that all the treasures in my home are to help me carry the story-women have done this for thousands of years… Just a thought…
When your teacher was in my house, I cleaned it up more than it had been for a long while. But then I let it go, and understood that it was my issue. What was harder for me was to know tha he could see past any dirt in my home, into the inner rooms inside of me.
I start work with him on Sunday evening after my Shaman workshop ends for the weekend, I am going to his place in Santa Monica. I am very much hoping that all I will be doing this weekend helps, because I am in the deep suds right now.
Love you dear, you sound on track and growing. :)
xx
Kati, I too have been made the keeper of the history, but I have decided it's not the right job for me. It has been a long process to let the past go, but it has been a good and valuable journey for me. I now know that all the records and history we need are kept for us and available on the other side. I am even considering burning my old journals because they are the past. They are from a time when I couldn't fathom the present moment, let alone a future full of joy. I don't know though. Sometimes it is nice to flip through the pages to remind me of how far I've come. I just don't want for anyone to ever think that what is in those journals was what my life was about. 'Victim' was a transient phase, and I don't want to be remembered for the harm inflicted upon me or that particular reaction to it. I don't know if I will ever actually burn the journals though….
Di, He has been here before too, so he's already seen it, but I promised myself - and told him- that I would have my house CLEAN by the next time he came back. I thought he'd be back in November, but the rascal is coming back next week, lol. :) I must admit to wanting to know what his house looks like!
Having him see into my inner rooms of my soul… Hmmm, for some reason that has never bothered me so much as not having the appearance of perfection on the outside. It has been a relief for me to have someone who could see my soul, someone with whom I could not be invisible if I tried. I am transparent. I like that.
So for ME, I know that the things that embarrass me are the places I am not in alignment with my soul. I need to be accountible in these areas, and right now that is my home and my stuff. My stuff has been the barrier between me and the boogyman. The stuff is around because it filled an emotional need. I felt safe with stuff piled high like boobytraps.
Now it is time to trust my soul and trust the Universe to have my highest good at heart. I am safe. My soul can never be harmed.
I am rejoicing for you. :)
I do not know him this well yet, so we will see.
But I can say this…. I am open to all the possibilities, because the present seems to not have many available to me. Campsite is made up of only me and my thoughts. Most of the time these days it feels like I am making myself as comfortable as possible while going with the flow.
Thanks for listening. And see you in a couple of days. :)
See you in a couple of days??? Are you coming here for the intensive or are you saying adios because you are going to a shaman workshop? Ahh, I'm guessing the shaman workshop, but I got my hopes up for a minute that you were coming here for Joey's workshop. :)
Either way, I look forward to the next time we meet.
Much love to you. You are right where you need to be. Never doubt that.
Hi Shani,
Thanks for your honesty… I can see where you are coming from… I most likely was needing to hear the comment I shared… thanks for being a safe place for me…
Hugs
Kati