:: Friday Five :: Week 15 :: Choices ::

:: Friday Five :: Week 15 :: Choices ::

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This week's questions are once again by the great   Zoe.  thank you!!
FRIDAY FIVE - CHOICES

1.  Do you consciously choose to live your life in a particular way? 

Absolutely! My first choice as an adult was to create the family I wanted, to consciously parent my children with love and respect as individuals and equals. My husband and I also chose to raise the children as vegetarians. My kids have never had meat. Breastfeeding was a choice. Having one parent or the other home to raise them has been a big priority, and my husband was the first to be the homemaker as I had the better job at that time. We didn't have a lot of money living on 20k a year, but we lived in Southern California on one income with one parent always with the children, and we did okay. We've never had a new car, but who cares? We got to be with our kids! That is way more valuable than the things we can fill our lives with. Homeschooling was another big intentional choice that was not a popular one when I made it.  In fact none of these things were the popular choice when we made them. People thought we were crazy on all counts.

2. What life experiences have influenced how you chose to live your life?

All of them. I wanted to have the family I always wished for as a child, so I consciously created it instead of going along with what society said was okay in the age of ThirtySomething and Yuppie-ism. I didn't want a career, I wanted to be a mom. That was my life goal - to be a great mom.

3. Reflect on a specific good/positive choice that you made at a particular time in your life.

I am going to reflect on the decision to homeschool.

  a.  Was it like to make that choice?

It was exhilarating. And a little scary. But only for a minute.

  b. What were the consequences of that choice?

The consequences of the decision to homeschool were that I was threatened with arrest by the school district for truancy and educational neglect, and I lost all of my friends. Those were the things that hurt. The real consequences are that my family unit is extraordinarily close, my children are wonderful beings who are soooo bright and inquisitive and kind and respectful that people comment on them wherever we go. They get along with people of all ages - no age segregation bullshit - and they seek out people they respect for advice and answers to difficult questions rather than turning to their age-defined peer group. They have the freedom to explore who they are and who they want to be in a safe environment. They are allowed to persue their natural interests and become completely absorbed in a topic without artificial time constraints.*

*This testimonial of my life and experience is in no way a judgement of anyone who made different choices by free will or necessity. I celebrate the joy in my life without comparison or judgement. These are my choices and they would not suit everyone.

4. Reflect on a specific bad/negative choice that you made at a particular time in your life.

I started smoking when I was 11 years old.

  a.  Was it like to make that choice?

I didn't want to do it, but was told that I couldn't be friends with the girl I adored unless I smoked because it made us look cool around the 16 year old boys we were hanging out with.  Once I got used to it, though, I felt a little bit powerful. I was doing something 'bad' and I was in control of it.

  b. What were the consequences of that choice?

15 years of addiction. Lying. Hiding. Stinking. I can truthfully say that until I die of very old age and natural causes, I don't truly know the real consequences of my actions.

4. Are there any choices you have made that you would choose to do differently if you could?

Yes, I would have learned to love me sooner. I would have spent less time staring at the ground. I would have loved my body and taken care of it. I would have not wasted so much time being neurotic and depressed and suicidal. I would have realized that I had a choice and didn't have to continue to be a victim of life.

***BONUS ROUND*** 
Do you feel that you influence others and shape yourselves more with the “bigger” (new career) choices you make or the smaller (holding a door open for someone) choices that you make?

For me, at this time, I'd say the 'smaller' things make the bigger difference. Kindness and compassion that are directly transferred from one person to another are absolutely priceless. We never know what a small kind word or deed means to someone.

For example, when I was in jr high I spent 2 weeks crying at school in my classes. No one asked me why or if I was okay or even seemed to notice. I was invisible in a society that does not allow for emotional expression and where depression was not spoken of.

I decided to kill myself. No one cared about me at all as far as I could tell.

Then a teacher I'd always disliked came to my desk and said simply that she was there if I wanted to talk. While I never took her up on the offer, the offer itself changed the course of my life.