Meeting Sai Maa for the First Time - TWICE!

She's Real!

I first saw Sai Maa Sunday evening when the program officially started. I went into the hall and sat on the floor in the front so I could be close to her - but behind a few people, so as not to be too close. ;) I mean, you know, I've heard stories about Maa, about how scared people are of her because she does not hesitate to call anyone on their stuff no matter who is around or what the situation, and also because she can see right through you, right into your most secret places - places you have burried so deeply that you don't even know they are there anymore (until she looks at them).

For example, I met a being on my last flight who was also going to this event, and she was telling me how she would sit there wanting Maa to look at her, "Please look at me, Maa, please look at me!" and then when Maa did look at her, she had to look away, she could not hold her gaze, and then her thoughts were, "Please don't look at me, please don't look at me!"

So I won't say I was afraid as such, because I just generally am not star struck, so to speak, where I am afraid to relate to others based on their station in life. It is part of my defiance (or is it my charm? haha, maybe both!), what can I say? But I will admit to feeling cautious. Okay, I had a little fear. A tiny bit. Mostly because it was important to me to represent my teacher well. I was there as his student and I didn't want to get him in trouble by being a claude and making some faux pas that was inadvertantly disrespectful.

The funny thing is, I could not have hidden from her no matter where I sat. It was ego, thinking that a few people in front of me would keep me out of the hot seat. Silly ego!

So you have to understand, that when Sai Maa enters a room, that is an event in itself. There is a beautiful ritual surrounding her entering and leaving. In the past, my ego would have had none of that, but I guess that is why I didn't meet her til now, huh? :) As it turns out, I loved this ritual and looked forward to it every time a session began or ended.  (This reminds me of an experience I had in a meditation last spring regarding Sai Maa and rituals and my ego - I will tell you about that below.)

What happens is that as she enters from the back of the room, everyone is invited to turn in their seat to see her enter (same when she leaves). Most beings put their hands in the namaste postition, the prayer position, to honor the divine within, as she enters. And you never know what she will do, but whatever it is, it is always with great love, grace, and reverence. Sometimes she comes in smiling and dancing, other times she was crying, and other times there was just this pure grace of honor, love, and devotion. Many times, she sang to us. She always bowed in namaste to honor us. She always loved us.

So that first time, sitting on the floor up front, I could not see her until she was within 10 feet of me (she is very tiny - less than 5 feet tall, though you can't really tell because her energy is so big).  When my eyes finally fell upon her, my heart clenched and I gasped involuntarily in delight.

"She's real!" was my only thought.

I've seen her on my DVD's, I listen to her on my CD's and MP3's, I've even been on conference calls with her, but none of that prepared me for the experience of seeing her in person for the first time. I felt like I was catching Santa Claus in the act, you know?

She looked like the bride of God. She was wearing all white and she was so beautiful and elegant. And as she got closer to me, I could smell her. Her fragrance is legendary. She exudes the most feminine fragrance of divine love. She was a feast for the senses.

One thing that really struck me is that you could tell how much she was loving every person in that room. There was no narcissism, no pride, no ego. And the love I sensed was not just like a white-wash coating for the group, it was very individual. She was loving each and every person in that room individually. Uniquely, yet equally. She was so pure and child-like in her delight at seeing us all there.


My Meditation Experience Last Spring Regarding Sai Maa, Ritual and EGO:

Last spring, my teacher, Joey, went to India with Sai Maa to see Sai Baba. Before his trip, he was sharing some of the practices of Indian culture with his students. One of the things he was trying to explain was bowing to the feet of the Master. He was saying that it was not what we thought it was here in Western culture. It was an honor to place your head on the Master's feet, and that the feet is where a Master anchors their light, so it is the place on the body that holds the most shakti (spiritual energy, divine cosmic force). It is not about subjugating yourself - a true Master knows and honors the fact that you are the same as me, we are the same as the Master, that we are all equal in the eyes of God. We are all God, we are all One.

Well, Joey could have explained this until the cows came home, and I still would have rejected it. It had my ego all in a tizzy. Bowing to the feet, kissing the feet, washing the feet - I didn't care what culture or practice it came from, it was all about ego as far as I was concerned, and I wanted nothing to do with it or his beloved Maa. He could have her! I did not understand this at all.

I was right, by the way. It really was all about ego - MINE!

While Joey was in India, he gave his students permission to be still and tap into the energy he was receiving there. So during meditation one evening, I called on his energy, but instead of Joey, I got Sai Maa.

Uh-oh.

Suddenly I am in India, standing under a canopy next to the Ganges River, facing Sai Maa.

She cocks her head slightly and looks at me like a strange and beautiful insect never before observed, then she arches an eyebrow and I am falling to my knees involuntarily. I tried to stop it, and I felt a surge of anger and defiance and fear as I realized I was not in control of what my body was doing at all. Not only did I fall to my knees, but I kept going until I was not only bowing, but I was kissing her feet and placing my forehead on them.

The very moment my lips first touched her foot (I kissed her right foot, then her left - I don't know if there is any significance in the order), I started receiving the biggest blessing, the most incredible energetic download. I was instantly transformed. I was full of so much love, and the ego about this was shattered and gone, and I suddenly loved Sai Maa so much, I thought my heart would burst.

This took place in moments. As suddenly as I was there, I was back in my bed in Kansas City, crying tears of grace and remembrance and aching with the fullness of her love.

Ahhhh, now I get it! :)

I have loved Sai Maa ever since this experience. It was very real, I have no doubt about it. And I should say I have consciously loved Sai Maa ever since. It is clear to me now that there has never been a time when I did not love her. I have loved her for aeons. She has loved me for aeons. We have loved each other for aeons.